The Awakening of the Feminine

The Prelude

What the heck am I living for? she heard herself asking. When has my life become so empty, meaningless, joyless? She was laying in her bed. Eyes closed. She felt the taste of tears. What is going on, she asked? I have everything I should have, everything I can imagine. Why am I in this terrible pain? Worthlessness. Why does this world seem so dark and hopeless to me?

The series

Name The Awakening of the Feminine 

Date 7.3. 2018

Medium Oil on canvas

Artist A. Engholm

Model Susanna Tanni

Rising Above Murky Waters

 

What about feminine traits? asked The Voice.

What traits? she asked.

The feminine part of you is drowning, you must know that, The Voice answered.

Oh no! Do not try to fool me! I am all about femininity. I am a woman for God’s sake!

Now she was getting angry. No more tears. She looked at herself in the mirror.

She really looked.

Not at her pores. Not at her eyebrows. Not at the shape of her nose.

She looked at herself deep into the eyes. She looked and she looked. And what happend?

She saw herself. For the first time she saw herself as she was. She saw the rejected naked truth.

Almost every part of her life had become masculine. What a competitive, hard-working, technology-filled and totally intellectual life she was living. She started to count the number of feminine actions she took on a daily basis. She could find only a very few. Brushing her hair, goodnight kisses, wiping the table after the takeaways she had served for her family. No nails beautifully done or a new haircut could ever compensate the heavy weight of masculine traits of her life.

Ouch, she said. Her eyes were wide open. She had read about yin & yang, balance, the meaning of feminine elements for a woman, but she never understood what it meant in her life until now.

But this is me. I am too busy to change. Too old. Don’t know how. And it is absolutely impossible to add anything feminine to my work. It just is.

So she rejected the idea, gave up and went to sleep. Feeling kind of relieved. And deeply beaten.

the Flower Power Wash

Dark night, full moon. Stars shining so brightly. She is not sure if she sleeps or if she’s awake. Thoughts keep running through her mind. Reminding her of something she has forgotten. Feelings, visions, experiences, voices, smells… Suddenly she finds herself crying like never before.

Crying and wailing.

Deeply.

Painfully. 

Out of nowhere came fragrance of flowers. Magic luscious aroma of a blooming meadow. Then she saw it. Was it a dream or a memory? She couldn’t tell. She turned towards the most beautiful flower close to her, and the fragrance was so wonderful that she felt herself drowning into this fulfilling presence of the feminine aspect of life. Cleansing. Empowering. Touching.

She felt it with all her senses. Remembered. This is me. This is who I really am. My body feels totally different now. Sweeter. Lighter. And oh so sensitive.

With the fragrance of deep, deep flourishing life in her nose, she fell back to sleep.

Rebirth of Feminine Consciousness

The morning came with sunshine. She remembered immediately what she had experienced in the middle of the night.

She looked around and she was so surprised. How come my home looks like this? This is not me, not at all.

My clothes.

My books.

My whole life.

 

She had finally discovered her feminine side. It was impossible to deny it. Not now. Not anymore.

First I need to put this home of mine in order, she thought. Nice and neat. And pretty.

And so she did.

And everything else, too.

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